Pitch your voice up a few octaves and brace yourself for some unbelievably racist stereotypes as we race off with the bizarrely sexual children’s film The Chipmunk Adventure. Would this movie have made any more sense if we’d been able to watch it as a cohesive whole rather than through YouTube scraps? Who decided turning the Chipmunks into money laundering mules would make a good plot for a kid’s movie? Are Klaus and Claudia siblings or… something more? And, most disturbingly, why must there be so many upskirt shots of the Chipettes? Please direct all questions to our therapists because this is the episode where we tangle with how deeply this movie imprinted on some of our psyches.  

Don your shiniest pleather trench coat and rimless sunglasses as we plug into the Wachowskis’ cyber-punk behemoth The Matrix. Did the inane sequels and toxic fanboy co-opting forever taint the actually enjoyable original? Why wasn’t the totally badass Carrie-Anne Moss the protagonist of this film? And was Joey Pants right to want to swallow that blue pill with a smile on his face? All we know is that we get fittingly philosophical in this episode.  

Get ready for some disappointment in our younger selves, as we turn our attention to the bevvy of jerky dudes and unrealistic romance in John Hughes’s Pretty in Pink. Who are your top f**k, marry, kill James Spader characters? Why mar Annie Potts’s otherwise perfect Iona by making her fall for a bland 80s yuppie? What kind of fashion designer destroys two decent prom dresses to make a fancy potato sack? And why did we ever feel bad for Duckie? All we can tell you is that this is the episode where the die-hard romantics make themselves known. 

Tease up your hair and keep an eye on your biological clock, as we fall in love with one of the greatest on-screen couplings (except when anything sexy is going on)—Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. Does this movie make fun of coastal elites or hicks… or neither? Is Ralph Maccio’s most heinous crime in this movie that god-awful mustache? If we watch this movie enough times, can we just skip law school and start taking cases? Don’t ask us unless you’re ready to get yelled at by some loud New Yorkers. 

Throw on your hautest couture and grab your Multi Pass, as we dive into the sci-fi ingenuity and unavoidable ickiness of Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element. Can we get some more backstory on those steampunk armadillo-ducks? Does Ruby Rhod’s hair tube get in the way when he goes down on someone? How was the opera diva planning on getting those stones out of her body? And does Gary Oldman realize he won’t get paid when the whole planet goes big bada boom? We might have some answers for you if we didn’t get so sidetracked in this episode.