Order up a business ladies special lunch and practice your interpretive dance routine as we pass ourselves off as stationery heiresses in 1997’s Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Does our appreciation of cringe grow with age? Who is the Mary among your BFFs? In what world are Lisa Kudrow or Mira Sorvino chubby? Is Janeane Garofalo the true legend of this movie? And why did they make Alan Cumming look like Sylvester Stallone? We’ll let you know after we fold these scarves.

Steal the most unwieldy leather-bound tome you can find from your mysterious neighborhood bookseller and hide in your school’s spooky attic as we fly off into a serious childhood touchstone, 1984’s The NeverEnding Story. Is the raw egg swilling dad in this a secret alcoholic? Do we all (well, except for Bryce) have deep deep horse girl feelings? Why does this movie swing between scaring the crap out of kids, and making them bawl in utter grief? And for all the great puppetry in this—hello Falkor, you amazing fantasy steed—why does the evil Nothing wolf look like a Chuck E. Cheese side character? We’re sure the answers will come from this heartrendingly plaintive child ruler named after our hippie mom. 

On Wednesdays we wear pink and today we infiltrate the Plastics in the 2004 teen classic Mean Girls. How many surprising new facts do we discover about the depth of Randall’s love for this movie? (Hint: it’s A LOT.) Can we just take a moment to recognize that everyone in this cast is bringing their A game? Does the feminist message of this movie stand up to contemporary values? We’ll let you know once we perfect this totally appropriate Jingle Bell Rock routine.  

Twist up your white girl dreads (or just don’t, actually) and let’s ride with Nic Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds. How angry is Jerry Bruckheimer that the Fast and the Furious franchise stole his thunder? Does this movie immediately take you back to the Year 2000 (insert requisite Conan audio cue)? Was there just no room in the budget to give Angelina Jolie even like a hint of character development? And Plot? Who needs a plot? You’ll get some answers if you can keep up with our need for speed.

Hide your bunnies and guard your kids from ghosted lovers as we delve deep into the psyche of the 1987 film Fatal Attraction. Who do we blame for Glenn Close’s horrendous hair style in that opening party scene? Did Anne Archer portray the perfect wife or a one-sided non-character? (Either way, she didn’t deserve to be done so dirty.) Would this movie have aged better if it had been released with its original ending? And perhaps most importantly, why were 80s audiences so invested in Michael Douglas’s dong? We struggle for answers, through the pain of animal cruelty trauma.